We’re still here in Miami, enjoying the sun, eating extremely well and relaxing like we were born to it.  We have another day here; it seems so strange to go back to New York, and to my life and responsibilities. My surgery is 19 days away, a little less than 3 weeks. My first pre-op appointment is 9 days, my second 10. I figured I’d be freaking out by now.  Instead, I’m not really concerned at all. If anything, I’m feeling introspective.

I have never had a broken bone.  In 19 days I will have three.  I have had stitches on my knee and where the portals were for my arthroscopic surgery but none of those scars are more than 3/4″ long.  Each of my hip upcoming hip surgeries will require an incision between 8″-10″ long. The scars will run down my legs, be visible when I wear a swimsuit and possibly above the waistband of my pants. after the surgery and healing, I will have more bone in my body than I did before the surgery. I will be disabled for weeks or months, will stay in the hospital days probably 5 days. I will be, in some ways, transformed from this surgery. Yes, for the good because hopefully it means that I will be back to being able to function.  But I will be transformed, fundamentally, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around that.

I am waiting to freak out, again, but for now I’m just vacationing inside my head.