Honesty

I posted this site yesterday; i’m really glad I did.  I had over 200 views yesterday and and almost 100 today.  People are interested; people can be kind.

Appearances to the contrary, I am not normally one to put myself out there when I feel vulnerable.  I come off as strong and self assured when I feel like I can control a situation, in some way.  But when I have no control or when I feel absolutely vulnerable — like I feel now when my body is failing me — I tend to close myself off.  I don’t take calls or go out, I don’t respond to e-mails, I don’t make plans and I certainly don’t reach out for help.  I know this about myself.  It is how I tick, how I have always operated.  Unfortunately, what it means is that instead of simply feeling alone, by virtue of my actions I am alone.

I don’t want to be alone.

This blog has many facets.  It is a tool for learning, a tool for understanding.  For me, it is my little way of staying connected with the world and with the people who kindly want to stay connected with me.  I can’t promise that when I am hurting, when my body aches and sings with pain, that I will be able to pick-up the phone or accept a visitor.  But that does not mean I want to be left alone.

I am asking you, dear reader, to stay by my side through this.  To read these pages as a way to check in on me and to follow my little journey.  I do not ask for your prayers, but only a tiny space in your hearts and a moment in your mind to let me know I am not forgotten.  For your kindness I promise that I will push beyond myself and try to write, about my experiences, how I feel and how I am.

Although I know I could do this myself, this time I just don’t want to.  I want you to come along for the ride.

5 thoughts on “Honesty

  1. Jenn (& Sophie)

    Just read your entire blog. I think it’s amazing that you’ve chosen to make the most of what’s going on in your life right now. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. We send lots of good vibes your way on your road to recoveries!

    Reply

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