I posted this site yesterday; i’m really glad I did. I had over 200 views yesterday and and almost 100 today. People are interested; people can be kind.
Appearances to the contrary, I am not normally one to put myself out there when I feel vulnerable. I come off as strong and self assured when I feel like I can control a situation, in some way. But when I have no control or when I feel absolutely vulnerable — like I feel now when my body is failing me — I tend to close myself off. I don’t take calls or go out, I don’t respond to e-mails, I don’t make plans and I certainly don’t reach out for help. I know this about myself. It is how I tick, how I have always operated. Unfortunately, what it means is that instead of simply feeling alone, by virtue of my actions I am alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
This blog has many facets. It is a tool for learning, a tool for understanding. For me, it is my little way of staying connected with the world and with the people who kindly want to stay connected with me. I can’t promise that when I am hurting, when my body aches and sings with pain, that I will be able to pick-up the phone or accept a visitor. But that does not mean I want to be left alone.
I am asking you, dear reader, to stay by my side through this. To read these pages as a way to check in on me and to follow my little journey. I do not ask for your prayers, but only a tiny space in your hearts and a moment in your mind to let me know I am not forgotten. For your kindness I promise that I will push beyond myself and try to write, about my experiences, how I feel and how I am.
Although I know I could do this myself, this time I just don’t want to. I want you to come along for the ride.